Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We just shotgunned beers for America
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
