my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
