wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
