Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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