Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
