I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
