The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize