i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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