How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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