he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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