Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
