god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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