mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
