so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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