Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
