i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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