PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
