Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
