So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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