I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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