i permit you to call me
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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