from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
