I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
