OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
