shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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