Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
