i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
