A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
