Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
we should paint friendship bongs
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
