Sry I called you an 8
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
