so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
