I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize