I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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