my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize