Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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