Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
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Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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