Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
