I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
