Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
