What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
