he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
