this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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