this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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