Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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