Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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