He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
