I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
