It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
