she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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