You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?