I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.