$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.