you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
