wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.