Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
