I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
