I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I take back everything I said about communal showers
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
