and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
