Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
