I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
