I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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