I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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