Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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