john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
