bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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