Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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